Okay. So hear me out on this before you judge that perhaps I’ve gone ‘round the bend. This is a fairly elaborate rewards system for the home, but we’ve tried other things and failed, and here’re my thoughts.

First things first: I’m a yeller. I hate this about myself. I want a calm, relaxing home, and that’s hampered a bit by my own screaming. (NB: I am not the only screamer in this house, but still). I’ve done a lot of thinking, and I think my yelling happens in three situations.

1. When I’m scared. E.g., "OH NO! DIDN’T I TELL YOU NOT TO DO THINGS THAT WOULD GASH YOUR FACE?!?"

2. When my attention is divided between two (or twenty) things, and neither is getting its due. E.g.,

                    "Hello, I’d like to make an appointment for next Tuesday - Just a second Lou."

                    (A few minutes of incessant "mommy"-ing later) - "WHHHAAAAAT, LOUISA?!?"

3. When I don’t seem to be getting through. Like someone who speaks slowly and loudly when they think their listener isn’t a native English speaker, I just keep turning up the volume, hoping that will solve our communications difficulties. E.g.,

 "Louisa, please put on your shoes."

 "Louisa, can you get your shoes on, hon?"

 "Louisa, what shoes are you going to wear? Can you put them on and wait for me by the door?"

"LOUISA, I SAID PUT. ON. YOUR. SHOES!!!!!!"

It is this last type of shouting that I’m pretty sure has my neighbors putting CPS on speed dial, and also that I think is the least necessary and the most solvable. The other two types might require intensive therapy, but this kind should be avoidable. To that end, we’re trying a bunch of things, including making sure Louisa does actually hear us when we ask her to do something – sometimes I think we issue such a constant stream of admonishments and instructions and she’s so deeply involved in her own world, that we are truly background noise for her. Touching her while I talk, making eye contact, and asking her to repeat back to me what I said have all been working to reduce the number of times asked, which directly correlates with number of times yelled.

But still.

Since so much of this happens during daily, routine, mundane events, we first tried a fairly involved sticker situation, in which she would get magnetic stickers for completing tasks before an allotted time was up. At the end of the week, the thinking went, we’d tally the stickers and if she had enough, she’d get a prize. I’m not sure why I even went the prize route, because it added this unnecessary level of complication to the whole thing (and four-year-olds are not yet so cynical that they won't do things just for the stickers). And even tallying the stickers was sort of a pain, because so many of them were centered on bedtime activities, and we are, you know, tired at that point, and the grid system was complicated and slow. And, most objectionably, the system we used, the older version of this Responsibility Chart from Melissa & Doug, had only a limited number of categories for which she could receive stickers, leaving open a bunch of opportunities for breakdown throughout the day.

So. In keeping with the general idea that I wanted to reward good behavior, and in an attempt to keep the prizes going (since I’d already gotten a bunch), and thinking that maybe we’d squeeze some math into the whole situation, I invented Lou Lou Bucks.

I mean, invented is a strong word. I remember Bennet Bucks from my fifth grade class, which my teacher doled out for all sorts of good behavior, and Lou even gets Kozimo Bucks at school now, though how she earns them is entirely opaque to her, and so also to me. But the idea – that she gets cash for good behavior that can later be redeemed on prizes – is the one we’re going for with Lou Lou Bucks.

I made the highly professional bucks in Publisher, and laminated them with contact paper. Louisa is concerned that we don’t have enough, and she may be right, but that’s easily remedied. When it came to the "store," I thought I’d have a lot of items for sale of varying values. So candy (which I was torn about until I wasn’t) is worth $1, some mid-level prizes (currently including an Olaf watch) is $10, and then some high level prizes worth $20 or more. If it’s not obvious, I’m basically using Lou Lou Bucks to try to teach about saving and delayed gratification and all that nonsense, too.

Speaking of delayed gratification, I’m terrible at it, and I love this as a way to give Lou things she loves or even needs (like the watch) without showering them on her indiscriminately. Cases in point: these Anna and Elsa-esque clothes for 18” dolls that I found at a recent street fair, and the “pioneer girl” apron and sunbonnet I bought on Etsy to feed Louisa’s Little House on the Prairie fire. I’m trying to come up with the sweet spot in terms of “pricing” for these items. I don’t want them to be so expensive she loses hope, nor so cheap she doesn’t have to work for them. If we give an average of $5 Lou Lou Bucks a day, does $25 seem too cheap? Because we’ll only have the shop once a week, so then she’ll def be able to afford at least one…but then again, that still delays the gratification of getting it all at once, right?

Side note: Everyone remember this convo when we discuss the giftless Christmas we’re planning!

The other thing I am loving already about Lou Lou Bucks is that they’re flexible. Though I made a list of things that she can earn the money for, it’s not exhaustive. If we see her being super great in any capacity, we can reward it. Any adult can give Lou Lou Bucks for any reason, and they can give however many they think are warranted. We cannot take Lou Lou bucks away, though, because I feel like once she’s earned them, she’s earned them. At least, that’s the thought right now.

To make things easy, I’ve put the bucks into their own envelope and we keep it centrally located on our chalkboard family planner, and designated a pail for Lou to keep her earnings in.

I dug through my collection of extraneous organizational items and found this spare coupon holder so I can keep them handy on the go, too.

In the way of this blog, this is all happening in real time, which is to say that I just started doing this with Lou yesterday. So far: She digs it. Well, first she said that the Lou Lou Bucks were “only okay,” but she sure is stoked to earn them. They have so far resulted in lovely table manners and painless tooth brushing.

I will let you know how this goes! Though I'm used to top-down parenting (a.k.a being a dictator), I like the idea of Lou being incentivized to do her own thing, which is hopefully the right thing. This morning, she decided not to make her bed, even when offered a buck. We'll have to navigate the things she has to do, versus those she can choose. Still, for now, I’m optimistic! If you have any tips on encouraging responsibility and such, that doesn't involve beating the little brutes, let me know! Have a great weekend and I'll see you next week.